二威姿的自留地

我最好的男性友人 是我的高中兼大学同学 是我到现在为止最好的男性朋友 我真心喜欢他

靠谱又搞笑 大方又随便

从来都是各种尺度跟他开玩笑 他也总是说我死三八不要脸

常常跟他在同学聚会上办情侣 把没脑子的胖子骗的团团转 每次都当真以为我们在一起了 屡试不爽

大三大四的时候 拉着他跟我们一帮人三国杀 没想到杀出了一个女朋友

只可惜以分手告终 

在一起的时候还真是好男人一枚 不过有缘无分 也只能感叹一声了

现在小伙一个人在北京打拼 挺辛苦挺不容易的 

今晚聊天的时候 我倒是真心替他捉急

顿顿地沟油的外卖也不是办法啊 可是现在能照顾人的姑娘也不是好找的

不如找个大老爷们儿 俩人凑一对凑合一辈子的了 笑

anyway 新的一年好好攒钱准备来美国看我吧 我最好的男性友人 :D

 

 

2011 还有一天就要过去了 新年的感觉好淡薄啊

即将过去的2011 终于觉得自己有在学习有用又有趣的东西了

觉得终于能找到能符合自己兴趣又能养活自己的职业了

但也觉得 以前的这些那些要是更认真学过就好了

同时也觉得 自己真心在某些方面不太行

我觉得今年最大的收获就是能更好的manage自己了 public policy虽然不是100%management的专业 但是还是有很多涉及到management的知识 比起我的同学 我对于organization的管理或者政府行政的管理 完全没有经验 但是这些readings和讨论还是让我自己进行了很深刻的反省和审视 然后虽然我没有org management的经验让我自己来 活学活用这些知识 但我觉得我至少可以用在自己身上了 以前我管不住自己的脸色和脾气 喜欢不喜欢一清二楚写在脸上 自己还觉得自己是个率真的姑娘 还觉得别人笑里藏刀 还一个劲的号称不要变成自己不喜欢的大人 可是这个社会和人与人的接触 喜欢的不是率真的姑娘 需要的其实是能管住自己脾气和脸色的控制力 和就事论事不要让偏见出来干扰的分析力 前者大有进步 后者还需要很大进步

在coke的实习 让我学会全面又批判的看问题了 消费者大众是怎么想的 科学家是怎么想的 政府和ngo怎么想的 事实又是怎么样的 要怎么bridge communication

自己很喜欢考虑这样的问题了 我喜欢这样的自己 会用脑子会思考的自己

知道以后想从事的职业了 找到了一个还算靠谱的男朋友了 人际交往和性格也变得好一些了

新的一年还是很挑战呢 phd希望能被rutgers录取 好项目+方便的地理位置 希望家里人能认同男朋友 也希望男朋友家里人认同我 毕业的capstone想好题目了也设计好试验了 希望不要太坎坷 因为真的是自己感兴趣的东西 各种social network少用点 有很多途径充实自己的

明年就是本命年了 大家都说本命年不顺 希望一切顺利啦~（合掌

等了好久 终于看了噱头巨大的 那些年 我们一起追的女孩 

说是噱头巨大完全不为过 不用说转发的在线看的围脖被转了多少次 光是最近几天的校内都满满的是各种看完这部片子的唏嘘 

其实最近的我很想哭 本来以为这片子会有什么地方戳到我的泪点 然后哭个痛快

可没想到 竟然无感的看完了整部电影（反而看工藤官九郎的 竟然还有第11人 看得我默默掉了几滴眼泪

好像 我变成了自己不喜欢的大人了诶···

就是学会看人脸色了 会控制自己的情绪了 会更全面的看问题了

虽然还没有到特别厉害的地步 可是现在自己的样子 好像真的是以前不想变成的大人诶

我该说这是好还是不好呢

我终究是要进入社会的不是么 【不想变成自己不喜欢的大人】这样的借口终究是不能撑一辈子的吧

可是相比以前 好像又变得没有那么有毅力有恒心了 说得好听点 就是不像以前那么固执了

还变得更加得过且过变得圆滑懂得钻空子 还会委曲求全了

这是好还是不好呢

-------------------

说回电影呢 其实脑子里一直repeat 江美琪的【那年的情书】

那时青春 诗句记号 莫怪读了心还会跳

【我也很喜欢当年那个喜欢你的我】

只是我竟然不大愿意回想起当年那个幼稚的自己

-------------------

大概 青春的那一场爱恋 永远都是

喜欢想象你 多于真的在一起

 

听说1976 熊宝贝和echo来纽约演出的当晚就买好了票决定要来看演出了 今天是个阴冷的下雨天 下午三点从Amherst冒雨出发 出发的前一刻我还在写paper 带着笔记本在车上看paper 生活是有多悲催 明天上课要看的内容还没看完 但我还是觉得想要写下现在的心情  我们开了四个多小时的车 从小农村开到了大城市 连晚饭也没吃就赶来看live了

好久没有看live了 上一次还是回国在上海的时候和你们看的逃跑 MAO的第一排 喝啤酒 跳水手舞 开怀大笑  和你们在一起 

这次和来美国认识的好朋友一起来看live  1976开场 站在人群中 偶尔能看到阿凯腼腆的笑容和可爱的牙齿 我其实很想听 撒野俱乐部 烟火 还有庆祝节日的恋人 可是一首都没唱 最喜欢的歌词是“有天变成了被对抗的大人 也别忘记今晚”

没想到他们已经成军15年了 好厉害 对了 还记得那次被取消掉的1976上海场的演出么 好像一起聚到上海看场演出这样的事情已经是上辈子的事情了 可是你们却又一直就在我身边

熊宝贝有个很可爱的大提琴手 很活泼很high 第一次听到熊宝贝有大提琴的演奏 真的很好听诶 熊宝贝有个甩头发甩的很厉害的吉他手 主唱cookie唱完十二月说要唱一首相反的歌 我就大叫说 夏天！ 结果她说没有准备这首  （摊手）可是听简单的时候有种莫名的触动 “做决定容易 重要的是了不了解自己”就觉得真触动 自己读phd还是工作的决定做了一夏天再加上半个秋天了 可是还是犹犹豫豫 到底哪个更适合自己做什么自己会更高兴我真的有好好想过么 在乎的到底是什么 好多时候我都觉得可能读phd的选择更多 可是我想还好的是我真心喜欢食品这个专业 也觉得以后想要在这个领域继续 为人类做贡献（笑

来之前几乎没听过echo的歌 来的路上在车上一直听这三个团的歌 觉得echo的主唱声音处于娘与不娘之间很不让我舒服 结果他们团有个史上最美丽的鼓手！姑娘长得标致极了 都可以参加康熙宅男女生的比赛了 echo的吉他手眼角下垂 可是很骚包的贴了双眼皮胶还画了眼线！主唱是NYU的CS专业毕业的 没想到echo是让我最high的一个团 虽然vocal的声音还是有时候让我心中一紧 可是真心棒！还pogo了一段！可是扭腰的姑娘小伙儿们都有些儿害羞腼腆呀 都po不起来 中间还来了段水手舞真是到处给gala宣传（挖鼻屎···

现在是12点30 看完演出吃了麦当当的nuggets又上了返程的路 LIVE真的给我能量诶 PS 我想你们

以上是昨晚在车上捧着电脑打的

几乎是第一次这么迅速的读完一本书 觉得倒是还蛮有用的 读的时候就做了读书笔记

Leadership and self-deception

Self-deception blinds us to the true cause of problems, and once blind, all the solutions we can think of will actually make matter worse.

Leadership is about making matters better.

To the extent we are self-deceived, our leadership is undermined at every turn.

 

Self-deception—identify someone with problems and you will be identifying that they resist the suggestion that he has a problem.

 

In the box- see people as object and feel him/herself privileged than anyone else

Out of the box- see people as people with need and emotion and treat them equally. Always try to think about other’s needs and emotion on their standpoint

 

When you think someone else is annoying and has some undesirable personalities, check yourself first and see if you had down the same thing too—a good way to check yourself and see if you are doing something rude, arrogant or terrible to others unconsciously.

 

Try not to speak ill of other. Try to control your own month and mind.

 

It won’t be perfect. No one or no organization can be out of the box all the time. AS a normal person, who is used to be in the box, the best way is to always remind you to try to stay out of the box.

 

The success in an organization is a function of whether we are in the box or not and that our influence as leaders depends on the same thing

 

What if others keep pushing us back to the box

 

Self-betrayal

-       an act contrary to what I feel I should do for another is called an act of self-betrayal. The things you feel you can do for others generate out of your basic sense of being a human rather than a jerk. You understand that others, just like yourself, have needs, cares, fears and hopes. And yes, I do this a lot.

-       When I betray myself, I began to see the world in a way that justifies my self-betrayal

-       When I see a self-justifying world my view of reality becomes distorted

-       Betray myself and enter the box

-       Inflate others’ fault; inflate own virtue; inflate the value of things that justify my self-betrayal; feel irritated and angry and blame others

-       Over time, certain boxes become characteristics of me and I carry them with me

-       By being in the box, I provoke others to be in the box

-       In the box, we invite mutual mistreatment and obtain mutual justification. We collude in giving each other reason to stay in the box

 

Start to see others as villains and see themselves as victims. Overvalue all the work done by themselves while depreciate the work done by others. This will just help to justify the betrayal.

 

Inflate other’s fault just to justify my own misbehavior. Then my views of others will be distorted.

 

If I’m already in the box towards someone, normally I won’t have the feeling to do something for him.

 

The self-justified image about being learned can be the very thing that keeps people from learning.

 

It’s hard to realize not to say to accept that “I have a problem”, but it’s much much easier just to blame others for having problems.

 

Most people are carrying their boxes with them, so they are already in a defensive posture, always ready to defend their self-justifying images against attack. Therefore, if I’m in the box too, all that I can do to people is to blame them, which will only results in inviting them to enter the box and stay in the box towards myself. What’s worse, in the box, we don’t see clearly. We are blind to the truth about others and ourselves. We have no idea what we are doing.

 

The thing I need most when I’m in the box is to feel justified. I need people to cause problem to make me feel justified.

 

You can’t focus on the results as you intended to, in stead, you can only focus on yourself since you are in the box.

 

One person in an organization, by being in the box, will provoke his/her coworkers to enter the box. Collusion spread far and wide.

 

Self-deception is contagious, and those who carry the germs don’t know about it.

 

When you are in the box, you think others are the ones that need change and you try to change them. While it’s true that others may have problems they need to solve, the very first problem to be solved is to get out of the box.

You can’t get out of the box in the first place if you keep on focusing on yourself and treating others as objects.

 

Helpful skills and techniques aren’t helpful if they are done in the box. People problems are the problems that most people try to correct with such skills and techniques.

 

All the behaviors can be done in or out of the box. Therefore, it’s not accurate to ask what can I do to get out of the box, but to have the attitude.

 

Being out of the box and seeing others as people won’t create overwhelming trouble. On the contrary, you may frequently feel overwhelmed and frustrated when you are in the box.

 

What doesn’t work in in the box:

-       trying to change others

-       doing my best to “coping” with others

-       leaving; the box will goes with you

-       communicating

-       implementing new skills or techniques

-       changing my behavior

 

It’s very devastating for a company or an organization to have an in-the-box leader, who can easily invite everyone to enter the box. Since you are the leader, people follow you, if at all, due to coercion but not leadership. The leaders that people choose to follow are the leaders out of the box.

 

You will get out of the box as you cease resisting other people.

 

Don’t’ accuse others of being in the box, but remind yourself to stay out of the box.